NBH 026: Letting Go of Control

This is the last in a series with the theme of everything falling apart in this time of this global pandemic, where our lives are shifting and dynamic and there's a lot of uncertainty. We've been talking in these podcast episodes/blog posts, and also in my community calls and webinars about how the way we were living before the falling apart - the structures, the systems, the expectations, everything that we have built until now (which needed to be built) - is going away. And that is raising issues of control, especially for you, my lawyer friends. I have the same issue.

We like to be in control. And you know what? Let's celebrate that. We want to be in control. We don't let other people decide our fate. We don't take no for an answer. We help our clients, we gain control of their lives so then they can move ahead. And it's a great quality. It is a gift. It's a blessing. And it also, at times, can be a curse because ultimately we are not in control. We can celebrate that we won a case, that we got some result for a client, but in the end, we don't control outcomes. We only can control each moment and how we show up and what standard that we're living by. Ultimately, we don't control what happens. It does feel good to feel in control because then when things are going well, we have the wherewithal to change course.

We do have that control. We can control how we look at things, for sure. You can choose; we always have a choice. We can choose to be helpless and be a victim and have things just happening to us. Or we can choose to see a greater purpose, a bigger reason for what's happening. And when we are feeling this day-to-day lack of control, it is time to tap into that bigger sense of control. Letting go of control is really embracing that we are in control. I know this is a paradox, but letting go of controlling things that are outside of us helps us turn inward and let us know what we are in control of, and accepting what's happening. We have a choice. We can fight it. We can try to grab, try to chase after things for that graspy/grabby feeling that none of us really likes. We can do that or we can go inward and surrender.

I have a colleague who is a substitute teacher and she said that she was teaching third grade and one of her students said, “what's the hardest thing?” And she's like, “well, letting go.” And then he was like, “no, it's steel.” So there you go. Let it go. It may not be the hardest thing, but it is quite hard for lawyers. It is hard to accept. Letting go is an acceptance. It's not an action. We often say it's so hard to let go. There's nothing actually to do and that's what makes it hard. We want to control the letting go: “all right, I'm going to try really hard to let go.” But actually letting go is just an acceptance that everything's okay. There's nothing to fight. There's nothing to prove. We have abundance and all the resources that we could ever need right now in this moment.

If we choose to be in this moment, if we choose to accept our situation right now, possibilities open up. Time expands. Our relationship with time expands. Our ability to see more clearly gets heightened. Our sharpness emerges. We become smarter. We become more creative. We are more able to see what's in front of us, what could be coming up, what we can create for that next version of us. We see our next version of time and space instead of trying to control things that have to be a certain way. We come to see that there are infinite possibilities for the way things can turn out. But if we stick with what we know, which is comfortable, we'll never know those other possibilities. Today I wanted to invite you to consider this letting go of control, which is not an action at all. It's an acceptance. You are in control of your life, of your perspective.

No one can take away your time, your purpose, your own visions and creativity. In fact, you are unique. You are a unique individual who has a lot of gifts to share and trust that. This is about trust. This is about accepting. Now you've done it all the best you could and you are prepared for what's coming next. We don't need to do any extra research or extra work or try to be any different. It's letting go of trying to control everything. Letting go of control is our life's work. I invite you to participate in that in this very important time in history.

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